


Error 404: Identifiable Emotions Not Found

by WolfKomoki



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Alexithymia, Canon Asexual Character, Detroit Evolution, M/M, Nines has Alexithymia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:08:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24552880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfKomoki/pseuds/WolfKomoki
Summary: Nines had attributed that his inability to identify his emotions was related to being a machine, but when it continued in his deviancy, Nines was confused. Gavin says he’s not broken, but he couldn’t identify his emotions, so how was he not?Or: Nines has Alexithymia and Gavin helps him with it.
Relationships: Upgraded Connor | RK900/Gavin Reed
Comments: 4
Kudos: 28





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> What is Alexithymia? Alexithymia is when a person has difficulty identifying and expressing emotions.  
> Detroit Become Human is owned by Quantic Dream. Detroit Evolution is a fan film made by Octopunk Media, which you can watch here: https://youtu.be/apUn-YMMdZ8
> 
> Do not ship the actors/actresses together when you watch the film. It's creepy. Ship the characters all you want, but leave their actors out of it. I will also not be mentioning the actors/actresses by name in any of my DE fics.

A familiar bridge greeted Nines as he walked through the Zen Garden. It was comforting to the android, the one thing that was familiar to him. His feet crumbled against the grass, a satisfying crunch was heard as he walked through the garden. Android feet stepped onto the wood of the bridge, as he walked over to the garden. Gently grabbing one of the flowers, Nines heard footsteps behind him.

“How you feelin’ today Tincan?” Zen Gavin asked. It was a question he asked every day, and every day Nines’s answer was the same.

“I don’t know.”

Zen Gavin sighs. He was hoping that Nines would have a different answer for him today.

“C’mere.” He says, walking over to Nines. Nines sighs when he unbuttons his collar.

“There. Now, tell me how you’re feeling.”

Nines thinks for a minute.

“I feel your hands touching my collar.”

Zen Gavin sighs.

“That’s a physical sensation Nines. How are you feeling?”

Nines just stares.

“I don’t… I…”

“ _Nines. Nines.”_

Nines was pulled out of the Zen Garden when he felt someone pat his shoulder.

“You’re spacing out again. Nines, are you okay?”

Nines recognized the voice as Tina. When Nines’s vision focused, he realized that detective Reed was no longer in the driver’s seat. It’s a funny term, driver’s seat. Does it count as a driver’s seat if the car drives itself? Whatever, it doesn’t matter.

“I’m fine, officer Chen.” Nines says, remembering that in Tina’s culture, it was considered impolite to refer to people by their first name. Tina sighs.

“Nines, don’t give me that shit. How are you feeling?” She asks.

Ah, there it was. That question.

“I don’t know.”

Tina frowned.

“You… don’t know?”

Nines shakes his head. Tina’s eyes widened.

“Well, shit. Okay… um. What’s the first thing you remember feeling when you realized you weren’t a machine anymore?”

Nines’s LED turns yellow as he thinks back.

“My Thirium pump began to beat faster, and the air circulating through the artificial ventilation sped up. The only thing I knew was that I had to get out of there.”

“What you felt was fear Nines.”

**Note_added: Fear**

**Sensations: Thirium pump beats faster, ventilation speeds up, the desire to run takes over.**

“Is that why you’ve been so spacy lately? We’re all worried about you.” Tina says.

“Worry?” Nines asks.

“Oh right. Worry is kind of like fear, but to a lesser degree. While you’re still concerned about the situation at hand, you don’t want to run away from it.” Tina explains. Nines adds the emotion to a file in his personal note software. Tina puts a hand on his shoulder.

“Now come on, Gavin, Chris, and Valerie, are waiting for us.”

Nines sees a smile on her face.

**Note: When people’s voice gets higher, and their teeth are wide like that, they are feeling happy.**

The first thing Nines sees when he walks inside was humans and androids in the bar. The androids were drinking specialized android alcohol, and the humans were drinking alongside them. It made him… happy. It made him happy! He’d actually managed to recognize an emotion! This was the first time he’d recognized one on his own! His LED turned blue. Nines walked over to the others and sat down in the empty chair. Gavin turned around.

“Shit, you alright? You’ve been in the car forever.” He asks. Nines smiles.

“I am now.”

Ada motions for the bartender to bring over one of the new android drinks to Nines. The drink was in a fishbowl shaped wine glass. The drink glowed blue. Curious, Nines takes a sip of the drink. As he sips the drink, he’s reminded of a conversation he’d had with Zen Gavin.

_It was a month after Markus had woken him up. Zen Gavin had somehow managed to find a bottle of whiskey in the place._

_“Hey, I have a question. Can you drink?”_

_Nines looks at him._

_“Androids are equipped with an artificial liquid filtration system in order to appear more human.”_

_Zen Gavin shook his head._

_“No, not like that. I mean, can you get drunk?”_

_Nines looks him dead in the eyes._

_“Androids do not come equipped with functions that would allow them to get drunk off of alcohol, no.”_

_“Well, there goes one emotion for you to discover.” Zen Gavin says._

Nines blinks when Ada sits at the table beside them.

“I uh… hope you don’t mind, I ordered you a drink.” She says.

“Nah, I don’t mind.” Nines says as he goes to sit next to her. Gavin looks at them in disgust before turning back around. Gavin couldn’t hear what they were saying, but the way Nines kept looking Ada up and down was pissing him off!

“I need a smoke.” He declares, going outside before anyone had a chance to stop him. Fuck, why did Nines have to be all over her? Like shit, get a room for fuck’s sake. He sighs and gets out a cig, lighting the top as he presses it to his lips. After letting the smoke enter his lungs, he exhales, watching it blow into the air.

Stupid blonde android, Stupid Nines for flirting with her. Gavin didn’t even notice the door opening, or the footsteps approaching him.

“Is this the part where I remind you that smoking will kill you?”

Gavin turns around and takes the cigarette out of his mouth.

“No. It’s the part where you mind your damn business.”

Nines felt a new emotion. His Thirium Pump was pounding, and it felt tight. All he wanted was to punch something. He didn’t know what this emotion was.

“I see you’re _still_ in a mood.” He says, his words coming out harsher than he thought they would. His LED turned yellow as his systems tried to make note of this new emotion.

“It’s not a mood. It’s me.”

Gavin looks away and sighs.

“You could’ve caught onto that by now.”

Nines glares at him.

“I hate to break it to you, but this isn’t you _all the fucking time_. Whether you want to admit it or not, you’re hurting, and I can’t _help you_ , if you lash out, instead of letting me in.”

Gavin raises a fist.

“You don’t want to _help_ me. You want to _fix_ me!” He growls.

Nines’s eyes widened. He freezes. Gavin scoffs.

“Did you think that you staying over one night, is gonna magically make me less of a fuckin’ mess? It won’t be one night, it won’t be ten, it won’t be a hundred. So, do yourself a favor, and fuck outta my life. You don’t want my baggage.” He spats.

“Really? So that’s it then? I’m just going to say goodbye then, and I don’t even get a fuckin’ say?” Nines asks.

“Yep. That’s right. Get out. I don’t need help. I don’t need pity. I don’t need _you.”_ Gavin spats. Nines feels a piercing pain in his Thirium pump. All he wanted to do was curl up into a hole, and never come out. Nines goes back into the building, not even looking at Gavin as he slammed the door.

Gavin sighs.

“Fuck.”


	2. Chapter 2

When Nines got back inside, he sat down next to Ada, pulling the chair as loudly as possible. He didn’t know what this emotion was, but he felt like shit. Ada looks at him.

“Your LED is yellow. Did something happen?”

Nines just sighs.

“Oh, the usual. Gavin lashed out at me instead of letting me in.”

He drinks the drink that had appeared on the counter.

Ada drinks her drink before looking away.

“Personally, I don’t know why you hang out with humans. They’re all hostile and aren’t easy to like.”

Nines crosses his arms.

“Sometimes I wonder that myself.”

Ada smiles.

“Wanna ditch this place and go back to Jericho?”

Nines looks around for Gavin before looking back at her.

“You know what? That sounds like an excellent idea.” He growls. _Especially if Gavin’s going to act like that._

After getting up from the bar stool, Nines walks outside the bar with Ada. He was having such a good night until now. He lets her lead the way.

“When you first came to Jericho, I thought you looked familiar.”

Nines blinks.

“Then I remembered that I read an article about your work in android homicide about a month ago.” Ada continues.

“Can we _not_ talk about that please?” Nines asks. The last thing he wanted was to be reminded of work and Gavin right now.

“I hope this doesn’t make you uncomfortable, but I do have a fascination with the RK line.”

Nines tilts his head.

“Is that why you decided to work at Jericho? So, you could be next to Markus?”

“More or less. Though, I do wonder why you insist on working with that detective of yours when you’re efficient on your own.”

“Fuck if I know. I’ve been questioning it ever since I came to this damn bar.” Nines spats, unaware that Gavin had been following them.

“Makes me glad I work at Jericho. If I had to work with humans like Gavin all day, I don’t think I could take it.” Ada says.

“Tch. Tell me about it. You try to make a new friend and they lash out for no damn reason.” Nines spats.

“Hey, if you ever wanna come work with us, I’m sure Markus wouldn’t mind.” Ada says. When Gavin sees the look on Nines’s face, it hurt. Shit, he was really considering it. Nines was quiet after that. When Ada lead Nines to a back alley, he realized something.

“This isn’t the way to Jericho.”

“Well, it seems you are a detective after all.” Ada smirks, placing her hand on Nines’s lower neck. Nines felt an intense pain as she forced a connection to his systems. His LED turns red, and he’s gasping for air. Nines could feel his programming being taken from him. His vision was starting to go black. Nines starts trying to call the DPD.

ERROR: DATA CORRUPTION

SHUTDOWN IN 30 SECONDS

Nines collapsed against the wall. His systems were shutting down, and he was too weak to fight it anymore. He could barely see anything.

“Nines? Hey!”

He feels a set of hands on his shoulders.

“Gavin…” He says, having recognized the voice.

“Wha… wha… where’s Ada? What the hell happened?” Gavin asks.

“Ada…”

Nines’s vision goes completely black after that. He couldn’t see anything.

“Hey, hey, hey. Stay with me. Stay with me, asshole! C’mon, what-”

“Gavin…”

Nines feels hands cradling his cheeks.

“What? Nines?” Gavin asks. Nines had to tell him that he wasn’t able to identify his emotions. He had to. He may never get the chance.

“I do…”

“Hey, hey, hey. Don’t fall asleep! Don’t fall asleep!” Gavin pleads. Nines hears him start to cry.

“n’t kn…”

“Nines, C’mon! You’re a terminator, right? Means you can survive anything!”

Gavin says, his voice breaking. He was still cradling his cheeks.

“ow…”

Gavin feels Nines go slack after that, and he sobs. He collapsed to the ground, holding him close. He looks around when he hears sirens coming their way. Why was he hearing sirens right now? The last thing Nines heard was the sound of sirens before everything went silent. Gavin holds Nines even closer, and sobs.

When Nines wakes up, the first thing he sees is the Zen Garden. He starts looking around for Zen Gavin.

“Gavin? Gavin!” He shouts.

“Sorry to disappoint, but it’s only me.” A familiar voice states.

Nines felt that same emotion that he felt earlier. He still didn’t know what it was.

“Interesting. It seems a part of my operating system copied itself over when we interfaced.” Ada says. Nines raises a fist.

“That _wasn’t_ an interface, you probed me!” He shouts.

“Oh, Tomato, tomató. What difference does it make? If you hadn’t fought back your software wouldn’t be too corrupted to function out of _stasis_.” Ada says. Nines runs at her, and screams, only to be thrown back by red walls digging into his skin. He cries out in pain.

“You can’t hurt me. I’m only a copy. The real Ada is out there doing what she was designed to do.”

“So why probe me? What could she possibly gain from that?” Nines asks.

“Your software was the last thing she needed to achieve maximum efficiency.”

“Our software doesn’t matter. _Deviancy_ makes us get to choose who we are!” Nines shouts, hoping that somehow this was getting through to Ada.

“No! She must be at the top efficiency, as she was designed!”

Nines tries to grab her shoulder only to get hit by a red wall. His eyes widened.

“She’s not deviant. If she wants to improve herself, then let me help her become deviant! That’s how she’ll improve!”

“No. Deviancy creates flaws in the code. She wouldn’t want that.”

As Ada walks away, Nines desperately slams his fists into the walls, desperately trying to break the barrier.

“Hey Tincan.” A familiar voice says. Nines eyes widened when he sees Zen Gavin appear before him.

“Gavin!” He gasps, running up to him as he tries to give him a hug. He jumped back when he was hit by white walls.

“What’s happening?” He asks.

“Code’s all buggy from Ada. You gotta delete me. Delete a-l-l this. Start from scratch.”

Nines felt a piercing pain in his Thirium pump.

“Delete you? I- Gavin I can’t. I can’t just delete you!” He says, his voice breaking. Zen Gavin sighs.

“You got the re-a-l thing out there. You do-n’t n-e-e-d me.”

Nines looked like he was about to cry.

“I can’t rebuild you.”

“Look, you don’t have to give a shit about me. It’s all just fu-ck-in’ fantasy Nines. You got the real thing out there, and the only way to get back, is to let all this go.” Zen Gavin says, trying to get through to the android.

“Gavin wouldn’t want me out there. He needs someone that isn’t broken.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact I had to go back several times because I kept calling Ada Ava.


	3. Chapter 3

“Uh, I ha-a-te to break it to yo-u, but the on-ly broken one around he-re is me.” Zen Gavin says. His voice was becoming more and more distorted as time went on. Nines rolled his eyes.

“Ni-n-es. You’re not br-o-ken.” Zen Gavin says.

“I am broken, though.”

Zen Gavin rolls his eyes.

“What the sh-it ab-out _satisfying him_ again? I th-ought we tal-ked about this. I _told you_. He just wants someone who doesn’t ha-te him.”

“This isn’t about that, though that is part of it.”

Zen Gavin looks at him in frustration.

“Then _what_?”

“I thought that me being a machine was the reason why I couldn’t identify my own emotions. I’m a deviant now, and I still can’t identify my emotions.”

“Nines, do-n’t do th-is to him. He can’t lose you.” Zen Gavin pleads. He just wanted Nines to be happy. He knows he’s capable of it. Outside of the Zen Garden, Gavin was currently sitting by Nine’s bedside, staring at a comatose Nines. Running on pure adrenaline, Gavin had carried the android on his back to the nearest repair center. By the time Gavin got there, he was exhausted. Gavin barely noticed the time pass as he sat in the chair, waiting for Nines to twitch, or do something to indicate that he was still in there.

Nines was too still. It was unnatural to be this still. He looked like a lifeless doll.

“Hey… Nines. We, uh… we don’t know where Ada is, or what she’s planning next. I don’t know if you can hear me but… we really need you back. You know? To stop her.”

Gavin turns around to see Tina giving him the thumbs up symbol from the other side of the window. He turned back around to see no change in Nines’s condition.

“Okay… okay, Tincan. I admit it. I need you.”

He stares at Nines with a pleading gaze, not that the android could see it.

“I need you to come back, okay?”

He sighs when he didn’t get a response. Hesitantly, he grabbed Nines’s hand.

“I was… the absolute worst to you when we met. Chris and Tina took bets on how long it’d take for us to kill each other.”

He chuckles.

“Despite that… you… you stuck through it. Gave me as much shit as I gave you, and… at first it was just to piss you off, but then it became our thing.”

He was holding his hand a lot tighter now.

“I fucked up back there, Nines. You were just trying to make a friend, and I… got jealous.”

He sighs.

“I shouldn’t have said all that shit to you. I don’t care what anybody says, that was fucked up.” He says, his voice breaking.

“You are my best friend. My partner, and this force in my life I… I can’t live without.”

Gavin’s breath hitched in his throat.

“I don’t wanna go back. I can’t go back… to being without you. No matter how much shit I’ve given you, you’ve never given up on me. So, don’t you give up on me this time. Come back to me, Nines.” Gavin pleads. His words from earlier still rang in the back of his mind. He’d told him that he didn’t need him.

_“So, don’t you give up on me this time. Come back to me, Nines.”_

“You s-e-e? He do-es want you out there.”

Nines looks at Zen Gavin one last time.

“Okay, okay. I’ll go back to him. I’ll delete… you.”

Zen Gavin watched as Nines walked away from him the last time. Nines focuses on his programming. Memories of his time with Gavin blocked some of the code. Nines concentrates harder until his memories with Zen Gavin came to the surface.

_“You’re so stiff. Why don’t you try laughing once in a while?” Zen Gavin asks._

_“I do not see the necessity in that.” RK900 says._

_Zen Gavin snorts and throws a rock at him._

_“Hey, lighten up Tincan.”_

Another memory came to surface.

_“How you feelin’, Tincan?”_

_“My systems are at full capacity.” RK900 states._

_“Ugh. Enough with that shit.” Zen Gavin complains._

This memory was a little later.

_Zen Gavin watched as a very scared Nines appeared._

_“Hey, hey, hey! What’s going on?” he asks._

_“I don’t know I…” Nines said._

This was the moment he’d deviated.

As Nines goes through these memories, he watched as they slowly faded to black.

_“How you feelin’ today Tincan?” Zen Gavin asked. It was a question he asked every day, and every day Nines’s answer was the same._

_“I don’t know.”_

_Zen Gavin sighs. He was hoping that Nines would have a different answer for him today._

_“C’mere.” He says, walking over to Nines. Nines sighs when he unbuttons his collar._

_“There. Now, tell me how you’re feeling.”_

_Nines thinks for a minute._

_“I feel your hands touching my collar.”_

_Zen Gavin sighs._

_“That’s a physical sensation Nines. How are you feeling?”_

_Nines just stares._

_“I don’t… I…”_

Outside of the Zen Garden, Gavin had returned to work. He wasn’t helping Nines by just staying there waiting for him to come out of the android equivalent of a coma. As for Tina, Tina wasn’t leaving his side. She’d stay here for weeks if she had to. Someone needed to be there when Nines wakes up.

It wasn’t even a few seconds later when Tina noticed Nines’s eyes begin to twitch.

“Nines?”

Nines sits straight up, and stares at the room in confusion. Why was a huge chunk of his memories missing?

“Nines! Oh my-”

Nines watched as Tina ran into the room.

“Tina. Where’s Gavin?”

“He couldn’t sit here waiting for you to wake up any longer, so he went back to work.” Tina answers. Nines nods. Nines’s LED turned yellow as his systems made a note about worry. Nines was very worried about the huge chunk of memories that were deleted. Tina frowns.

“Hey, are you okay? Do I need to get Maria back in here?” She asks with concern.

“I just… I’m worried about what Gavin’s going to do if we don’t get to him in time.”


	4. Chapter 4

“Look, Gavin, I know you wanna help Nines, but I don’t know what else we can do.” Chris says. He was exhausted. They both were. It was two in the morning after all. Gavin sighs.

“I know we can’t help him, but what we can do is find Ada.”

“So, what’s your theory on Ada?” Chris asks.

“At first I thought she was installing the parts to upgrade herself, but the more I thought about it, I realized that she’s building a brand new body to transfer over to. Why take Nines’s software last otherwise?”

Chris looks at him.

“Okay, but if she is building a body, where is it? It’s not like she’s gonna leave it at Jericho.”

“About that. I’ve been running facial recognition on all the speed cameras. She showed up on four, all within the shipping district.” Gavin says.

“Even so, that’s a ten- mile radius. It’s too much ground to cover.” Chris says, clearly frustrated. Their search led them nowhere. Gavin continues to look through the footage, hoping to notice something new.

“Wait… what if you ran a scan for deeds? See if she owns any buildings.” Chris suggests. Gavin sighs.

“I tried that already. There’s nothing.”

Chris puts his head in his hands.

“Okay then what do you want me to do? Knock on houses door to door? We’d never find her in time!”

Before Gavin could say anything, Android footsteps could be heard in the room.

“Well then it’s a good thing you have me.” Nines says.

Chris and Gavin turn around to see Nines walk in.

“Nines!” Chris sighs with relief. Gavin stares in shock. Tina was standing next to Nines.

“Hey Chris.” Tina says, a grin on her face.

“Wanna get some coffee with me?” She asks, motioning for him to follow her in the hall. Chris’s eyes widened.

“Yeah, that’s… that’s a great idea.” He says as he leaves the room with Tina. Nines refrains from busting out laughing.

“Still working at two in the morning? Now I know you missed me.” He teased as he walked into the room.

“You… undead… _asshole_!”

Nines wasn’t sure whether he should laugh or be offended by that.

“How did you wake up?” Gavin asks. Nines blinks, his LED turned yellow. Wait, how _did he_ wake up? Come to think of it, he doesn’t even remember waking up.

“I must have heard you.”

Gavin’s eyes were wide open as he stared at Nines.

“Wait, wait, wait. You, you, you, you heard everything that I… that I said?” He asks. Nines frowns. Gavin was shaking.

“Gavin?” He asks, his face full of concern.

“So, you… you heard everything that I said. That I…” Gavin’s voice trailed off. He looks at the floor.

“I _hate_ you!”

Nines smiles.

“You love me.” He says, gently coaxing Gavin to look at him. Gavin hesitantly looks up to see the synthetic skin around his hand slowly inching away. When he sees white plaiting underneath, Gavin looks down again. Nines cups his hand under his chin, feeling Gavin’s breath hitch. Gavin looks up at him with tears in his eyes. Gavin didn’t think twice as he brought Nines in for a kiss, watching his LED change to yellow, then blue. His breathing began to get faster as he kissed Nines, desperation leaking into the kiss. He was so afraid that he’d lost him, and now, here he was, safe, and awake. Eventually Gavin was forced to pull apart from Nines so he could breathe.

“What dipshit programmed you to do _that_?” Gavin asks. Nines snorts.

“I’m the most advanced android ever made.”

“Oh, you are such a fucking prick!”

Nines chuckles.

“Takes one to know one.” He teases. When Gavin finally got a good look at Nines, he slowly blinked.

“This is… my jacket.” He realizes, slowly touching the fabric.

“Yeah. You left it at Cyberlife. They didn’t keep my clothes.” Nines says.

Gavin snorts.

“Wait, are you saying you came here in nothing but my jacket?”

Nines cracks up.

“ _No!_ Where on Earth did you get _that_ idea?”

Gavin snorts.

“Hey, I was just wondering.”

Before Gavin could say anything else, Nines pulls him in for a kiss. The moment was ruined, however, when Chris’s face appeared in the window. Both his eyes and mouth were wide open. Nines busts out laughing.

“Hey, uh Chris? Buddy? You in there?” Gavin asks, clearly amused.

“Since when were you two-” Chris asks, his voice trailing off. Nines snorts.

“Chris, breathe.”

Chris clears his throat.

“So… anyway, about this Ada thing?” He asks as they all go to the main room.

“Huh. This map has utility lines on it. Power, electric, phone.” Tina says, pointing at the computer screen.

“What would Ada need with a phone? Don’t you have it built into your brains or some shit?” Gavin asks, pointing to Nines.

“Uh Geniuses? She needs power.” Nines says.

“Guess you can’t really use jumper cables to jumpstart a new android body to life.” Tina says.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t try that.” Nines says.

“Okay, so, we isolate the key to show just the power. What do I type in?” Gavin asks.

“Well, based on the average power consumption records of an Android, I’d say 3600 wats.” Nines says, his LED having turned yellow as he browsed through Cyberlife’s public records. Gavin had it typed in within minutes.

“Ah. There she is.”

“We raid the place tonight and take her down.” Gavin says.

“Gavin!” Tina gasped.

“We can’t just gun her down! She’s a deviant-”

Nines felt a piercing pain in his head. He could feel something in his memory banks trying to repair itself. Maybe it was one of the huge chunks of his memory that were just gone now? Gavin frowns when Nines’s face pinched in pain. His LED turned red.

“Whoa, hey. You okay? Your LED’s gone red.”

Nines hissed in pain as the memory continues trying to repair itself.

“Come on Tincan, let’s take you back to Maria, and have her look at you some more, okay?”


End file.
